Issues
by Phatz
Summary: LM AngstRomance. What would Wolverine do if he loved Rogue, but she didn't love him? Please R & R. It's pretty dark. You've been warned.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own the X-men, Marvel and Fox do. I don't make money off this. So don't sue. Unless you're bored.

**Authors' note:** I've read a lot of Marie/Logan fics that have Marie struggling with unrequited love towards Logan. I thought, "What if Logan loved Marie, but she didn't love him back?" So here it is. It's pretty dark, so you've been warned. Tell me what you think.

**A/N 2**: The story takes place from Logan's POV.

**Issues**

By: Phatz

            This feeling shit is hard.

            For fifteen years I went through life feeling nothing, just numbly fighting and searching for my past. I wasn't happy, hell I tried to kill myself plenty of times, but my healing factor made sure I healed right up. So I began to deal with it. I still hated my life, but I got by. Kicking the shit outta people is pretty invigorating.

            Two years ago I saw a girl in some grimy bar in Canada. She was out of place there, for sure. She looked seventeen or eighteen, hungry, scared and alone. I guy I fought that night tried to kill me, even though that's fuckin' impossible. She didn't know that, and neither did He. She yelled for me to look out, and I pinned the guy to the wall with my claws surrounding his neck. I was about to kill him, but I looked over at her. She was frightened. So I didn't kill him. I shoulda known that was a warning. I never let someone live who attacked me. Never.

            I drove away from the bar when I realized I had a passenger. It was the girl from the bar. She had hitched a ride, thinking I would help her. I promptly threw her out. I began to drive away again, but I felt bad and stopped. I never felt bad for doing **_anything. _**I just never gave a shit before. That was my second warning to flee, and never think about her again.

            She got in and tried to talk to me, but I kept my trap shut. I don't talk. She insulted my living conditions, and asked me for food. She sure had some balls. I was beginning to like her.

            When I noticed her rubbing her hands together, I turned on the heater and grabbed for her hand's to put them under it. She flinched away pretty violently, and that kinda pissed me off. I told her I wasn't gonna hurt her, and she said that wasn't it. She told me about her skin. When people touch it, they get hurt. She was a mutant too.

            Then she did something that nobody, and I mean nobody ever did before. She looked at my hands, and asked when my claws come out, does it hurt. She cared. That kinda threw me for a loop, and I told her the truth. It hurt's every time.

            I told her my name, and she told me her's. Her real name. Marie. No one at the mansion knows it, not even her dick head of a boyfriend. I was the only one she ever told, and I still call her Marie when we're alone. Not "Rogue".

            Sabertooth, that ugly dirt bag, then attacked us. I fought him as best I could, for her protection, but he surprised me and, I hate to say it, handed my ass to me. We were "rescued" by Storm and Cyclops; and taken to the mansion. Although to this day I tell One-eye I would have been fine if he had done jack shit. But he did save Marie. I can't deny that.

            That was when I started to have feelings.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            Here I am at a bar near Westchester, attempting to get drunk off my ass (Which is pretty fuckin' hard with a healing factor), and thinking of ways that I could die (also hard).

            It's been three weeks since I kissed Marie, and she is still avoiding me. Not that I blame her though. She does have a boyfriend, even if he is an asshole who can't keep his dick in his pants.

            I confronted Marie three weeks ago about her boyfriend Remy. Or Gambit, which is his code-name. Or shit-faced Cajun, which is what I call him. He came to the mansion about four months after Jean's death at Alkali Lake, to join the X-men. He wasn't a student, because he was twenty-six, but he immediately began sniffing around Marie, constantly flirting with her. And really pissing me off in the process.

            You see, me and Marie got really close after Alkali Lake, especially since she dumped Bobby soon after. And I mean close. We did everything together. I mean, we were fairly close before, but this was different. Different because I stopped seeing her as the kid that needed to be protected (although I still did that as best I could) and I began to fall in love with her, which was new.

I never loved anyone before, not even myself, so it was pretty new to me. I remembered what Jean said to me after I woke up from the coma I was in from touching Marie to save her life. She told me Marie was taken with me. She had a crush on me. And I could tell she still did.

But she was only nineteen, so I decide to wait two years until she was twenty-one to tell her I loved her. I was planning on doing it on her birthday. I figured she would still have feelings for me by then, after all it was just two years. You see, two years to me is nothing. Not when you live on the road your whole life, one day bleeding into another, and when it takes like ten years for you to age even a little.

But I was wrong. About a month after the Cajun came here, she finally went out with him. Apparently two years is a long time for Marie. I told her I didn't like him, but she just giggled and said I didn't like anyone. I just growled at that. I like her.

Five months later, she was still dating the Cajun, and I was getting worried. I thought maybe she was just playing the field a little, before coming to me. I was wrong. Dead wrong.

So, like I said, three weeks ago I confronted her about him. You see not only was this guy a dick, but he cheated on Marie. Repeatedly. And she let him do it. So I asked her why the hell she was still with this dickhead, especially when he cheated on her. She said she understood, and let him, because he needed someone who could touch, without barriers. And that he loved her, so she understood. I told her if he really loved her, the clothing or barriers wouldn't mean shit, as long as she was with him. She deserved someone who loved her and wasn't afraid of her.

Then she told me she loved him. **_Loved_** him. Marie is like me, in that she don't say the L word unless she really means it. And she loved him. So I did the one thing I could think of. I would show her I loved her. I grabbed her scarf, put it over her mouth and kissed her passionately. 

She didn't kiss back, and shoved me away, and began to cry. I tried to tell her that I was sorry, that I loved her. But she threw me out of her room before I could.

Ever since then, she has avoided me like the plague, and has said "hi" to me three times. She has said three words to me in three fuckin' weeks. And she is still with Shit-head. 

So I did what was natural. I hid and brooded. I stayed in my room all day every day, except for missions. And on missions I threw my self into the action. And I mean **_threw_**. I mean, I was never worried about getting hurt before, but I was always a little cautious. Not anymore. I was getting the shit torn outta me almost daily, and more then once I had to go to the med-lab to recover. I was hoping one mission I wouldn't recover. I was hoping I would die.

Almost everyone at the mansion noticed my behavior, and tried to talk to me, ask me what was wrong. I told them all to fuck off. Except for Kurt. We became friends since he came to the mansion, so I told him to buzz off. I do consider other peoples feelings. Sometimes.

But Marie never asked. She still didn't talk to me, and I realized she probably didn't give a damn. Why would she? I insulted the man she loves, which, is like insulting her judgment. I also kissed her, when she obviously didn't want to be kissed. I fucked up the only real relationship I had in my life. And it's all my fault. I never should have said a damn thing. Her friendship is by far better than nothing.

I thought about leaving. A lot. I even have my duffel bag packed and tuck under my bed. But that ain't gonna solve shit. I will still be empty, torn up inside. Just somewhere else. It's pointless.

Good thing I have a plan. And hopefully it works. I ghugged the rest of my whiskey, and headed back to the mansion.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            It's late. Good. Nobody will be in the danger room. 

            I head into the control room, which rests above, and looks into, the actual danger room. I peer through the glass and see a little debris from a previous exercise. Somebody must have used it not to long ago.

            I set the controls to the maximum skill level, and chose danger to be real and not simulated. I also over the control mechanism, so you can't shut off the exercise fro the control room. You can only shut it off while in the danger room, with your voice. Satisfied, I head out the door to go into actual room, when I smell Marie. It's faint, but her. She must have been the one to use the danger room last. I shrugged, and headed into the danger room. I didn't notice the person slip into the control room behind me.

            I stood in the center of the danger room thinking. I new this would probably work, and I was wondering if it was what I truly wanted to do. Do I really want to die?

            You see, if I get injured enough, as I have in the past few weeks, my healing factor gets kinda sluggish. It has trouble keeping up. If I get hurt enough, I think I might just overload it, and I would die. It would be painful, but would probably work.

            I love Marie. With all my heart and soul, and she can't stand to fuckin' look at me. All my life I've known only pain and misery, and the one good thing I had, Marie, I manage to fuck it up, and now it's the worst pain of all. Whoever said, "It's better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all." Is full of shit. I want the pain to end. I want to stop hurting.

            I unsheathed my claws. "Simulation on." Blades and hammers, and robots come out of the walls at me. And I just stand there. I let the blades rip my flesh, I get thrown into walls, crushed under large pillars, punched by robots, and shot by laser guns. I hear someone scream in the control room, and I look up. It's Marie. I give a faint smile. I didn't want anyone to see this, see how weak I really am. But I'm glad I get to see her one last time. 

            A blade slashes me across the face, and I stumble backwards. Then, a huge swing of a pendulum catches my chin, and I fly head first into a wall. I fall to the ground in a heap. My brain's foggy, and I can barely see anything. I look down. My cuts aren't closing. 

            The door of the danger room swings open, and I see bodies run through it.

            "Simulation terminated!" Scott. Damn One-eye.

            "Logan! Oh God Logan!" Marie is yelling my name, but I can't see her. I can't see anyone.

            "Rogue, what happened!?"

            "Ah don't know professor, Ah was just watching him in the danger room, the simulation started. He didn't do anything! He just stood there! He didn't fight back! It was like he wanted to…"

            "My God…" Hank gasped. "He's not healing…"

            "What?" Scott again.

            "His body is breaking down. There is too much damage. He can't heal."

            "What's happening? Hank!"

            "He is going into shock Rogue. Scott, help me stabilize him! We need to get to the med lab!" I manage to open my eyes. I'm fading fast. I'm dieing, I know it. I just need to do one more thing before I die.

            Looking in Marie's eyes, I find her hand and lightly squeeze it. "I love you…" I don't know if she heard it or not, but as I slipped into darkness, I saw her begin to cry.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

            I opened my eyes. Fuck. I'm in the med-lab. It didn't work. I swing my legs off the bed, and rip out the needles and tubes sticking in my arm.

            I see Hank room from his office in shock. "Logan! My, I thought you flat lined!"

            I stared at him stupidly. 

            "I have a heart monitor with me, to keep track of you. When you ripped it off, along with your IV and everything else, I thought you died on us."

            "No such luck." I mumbled. He didn't hear me.

            "I will tell everyone your awake. They will be delighted, especially Rogue." His face went flat at the mention of her name. "We were worried about her. She stayed by your side for two straight weeks until we convinced…"

            "Two weeks? I was out for two weeks?"

            "No Logan… you were out for four months. Four months, seventeen days to be exact. We just convinced Rogue to leave after two weeks. She still came in here every night, for at least two hours, just talking to you. In fact she left about an hour ago. She missed you terribly."

            "I doubt it."

            "Logan, you can't be serious."

            "What time is it?"

            "About 12:30."

            "Good." I hopped off the bed and began to walk out of the med-lab.

            "Logan, what about telling…"

            "Look, Hank. You're smart. You know what happened wasn't an accident." He looked at me. "I don't care what you tell them Tell them I died. I just need to get outta here. And I'm not coming back." I walked over to Hank and put a hand on his shoulder. "I always liked you, ya know."

            I walked out the door. "See ya around."

            I headed up the stairs quietly, to grab clothing from my room. Damn I knew I wouldn't die. I'm gonna fuckin' live until I'm four hundred. I guess my only option is to leave.

            I walked into my room, and there was Marie, Laying on my bed crying. Shit. Maybe Hank was right. Maybe she does care. Well I just can't talk to her. I have to say something.

            "Marie?" Her head flew up from my pillow, and her beautiful brown eyes grew wide.

            "Logan?"

"Yeah." She flew of the bed and hugged me tightly.

"Oh God Logan! Ah missed you so much! Ah thought you were…" She looked at me, and more tears came pouring out off her eyes. "Why?" she whispered. "Why did you try to kill yourself?"

Well shit. I knew Hank knew, but Marie? Well, she does have me in her head. "I just wanted the pain to stop." I wasn't going into specifics.

"Don't ever do that again!" she hit me on the shoulder. Hard.

"If I do, you won't see it. I'm leaving. See ya." I reached under my bed, grabbed the duffel bag from under my bed, and began to leave.

"Logan wait!" I stopped at the door, but didn't turn around. "Why are you leaving?"

"Do you remember what I said to you before I went into my coma?" She looked at me wide-eyed, and slowly nodded. "That's why. I love you Marie, and I can't be here. Especially with you being in love with that prick Cajun."

"Ah'm not in love with Remy."

"What?"

"Ah'm not in love with Remy." She said again.

"But you said…" Marie walked up to me, grabbed my face, and kissed me. Hard. And passionately. With her bare skin.

"Ah love you Logan. Ah always have."

"The why when I kissed you, you avoided me?"

"Ah was scared. Ah didn't know what to do with Remy, and Ah didn't know if you loved me back. Ah didn't know if you kissed me to make me feel better, or out of lust." She began to cry again. "Ah should have talked to you… Ah'm sorry."

I knew what she meant. I hugged her. "No darlin', it's not your fault. I'm sorry. I love you so much." She kissed me again, and I broke away. She looked at me puzzled.

"What?"

"You can touch?"

"Yeah, Ah learned how to control it." She giggled. I kissed her, losing myself in the touch, taste, and smell of Marie. Marie who loved me. Who I loved.

"I love you Darlin'. So much."

"I love you too." I got tons of shit to work out still. My past, my self-destruction, my anger, my fear. But as long as I have Marie there with me, I can do it. I crawled into bed with her, and spooned her from behind, my one arm draped across her stomach, my hand touching her face.

As long as Marie and me love each other, everything will be OK.

**Authors' Note:** That's it. The end. I originally had Logan die, but you know, since Marvel will never let Logan be happy, I figured I could. So I changed it. Please give me feedback! I need IT!


End file.
